Dear Dad

Dad,

I think the biggest changing point in my life was 8 years ago. I’ve written about it before. But today is different.  Today 5/21/12 is the date of your death. I hate the word death, but it’s a reality. Something you told me in your last days was to never live life with regrets. To always follow my dreams, and be kind to people.  

Dad, you were a very analytical man, avid reader, deep thinker, sometimes intense, yet had eccentric sprinkles around your personality. You didn’t care what people thought of you. Hell, you were  Marko!  I learned a lot about you in your last months of life. We both knew you were leaving yet it was an unspoken topic. When you lose someone you go through certain steps that evententully help you process the reality of death.

 Losing you essentially affected all aspects of my daily life. I would  put on this smile and say things like “thank God your in a better place”, but inside I was  pissed off that you left at such a young age. My mind would races, anxiety would creep in, and I started the form an “F” it attitude.  It not only affected me,  but it affected everyone  around me. I started  to not care what people thought of me because I realize I only have one chance in life.

After you passed away,people would commend me for giving my loss to God, but I was really pissed off at God. I know that offends the religious folks, but it’s the truth. Last year I had no choice but to open up and let it all out. It was painful, it hurt, it really pissed me off, but it showed me who I am. I lost a lot of relationships during the process, I just made the decision to stop being fake and face your death head on. I learned to speak my mind at the cost of offending others.

Had they known what was going on inside my head maybe things would have been different, but instead of reaching out, they decided to take offence over mundane things I would write about?  I’m not judging, just stating facts. You were the only person to give me sound advice, and now that you’re gone, I’ve had to learn things on my own. You were my best friend. I could tell you anything without being judged, because you understood me. I will never forget holding your hand as you took your last breath. I kissed you on your head and said good bye. I was so angry that day. As I’ve had 8 years to digest your death, I’ve realized that life is fragile.

The biggest complement I’ve ever received is when people say “You’re just like your Dad” It’s comforting.  Dad I love you, you’re in my heart for ever, and on this day I choose to celebrate your life by reminiscing on all those special moments we shared together.

Sir, you lived the Good Life.

Your son,
Mickey